socwing's Xanga

First Impressions...

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 04:34:04 GMT

The building stands on a hill, imposing, like a fortress. Once a military hospital, it serves as a rehabilitation center for people from around the state. A narrow road weaves its way up the hill in a winding path, passing old buildings and eventually making its way back down again to exit the walled premises of this piece of American history. I made my way to the main entrance before dark, pushed open one of the wooden doors, and ascended steps to reach the central lobby. I found the information office, somewhat bare and shabby, and looking as if its last update had occurred some time ago. I obtained my dorm key, inquired of security about parking for my car, and headed off to discover the apartment that would be my home for the next ten weeks.

Having way too much fun with this...

Fri, 01 May 2009 02:55:05 GMT

noil esrever eht

Fri, 01 May 2009 02:40:48 GMT

Solve the riddle.

Too much...

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 02:16:53 GMT

Too many things from different angles. Not too good at multi-tasking. Good things, and not so good things...I can't manage them, the good anymore than the bad at times. And this is when I just need to force myself to do the things I need to do, and let the emotions settle, and let the good play out in its own time, and not turn my back on reality but offer it up like a tangled string to the only one who sees well enough to untangle it. And yet, while trusting him to untangle it, learn to act decisively in faith. Yikes!

Requesting the gift of thankfulness please...

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 02:36:57 GMT

Because I neglect to thank him for what he's already given before asking Him for what I do not yet have...thankfulness opens the way that he may show us His salvation...

Faith is...

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 04:07:18 GMT

is the evidence of things hoped for. Who hopes for what he already has...and so faith is believing, not that there is enough good in me to become a greater person, but that God is good enough to make me a better person. That I can hope for what I do not deserve.

Is what we are what we will be?

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 02:32:30 GMT

We will be transformed in a moment...someday...but not yet. For now the elusive search for daily discipline that transforms slowly. And the pride on the one hand and the despair on the other that forces you to walk a tightrope if you are to keep a straight path. Knowledge is prerequisite, but knowledge alone does not transform.Confession is requisite, but confession alone does not transform. Determination is requisite, but it must have a source deeper than the well of my heart. Grant me then a willing spirit to sustain me.

Familiar Faces in Unfamiliar Wal Marts...

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 04:16:57 GMT

Imagine my surprise when, in a Wal Mart more than 200 miles from home I saw a familiar face. And we both recognized each other...even though I have short hair now and was wearing glasses. I think God is pleased to throw those little moments into our lives to remind us that He is there, that He is involved in the little everyday affairs, that he pays attention to our heartaches, even the transient ones, the little homesicknesses. My aunt's mom and dad don't even live here, but were in town for a doctor's appointment. And I saw her in the aisle and we gave each other a hug. And later on I saw Red, looking thinner than ever before, his cancer returned, and He was looking for fruit and vegetables to juice for a diet he just started that they hope will help give him some energy. And though I quickly forgot the impact of the moment, it was a precious one, because I think the Lord saw my loneliness that day and sent me a bit of comfort. And He knew that I would get over the loneliness, that with the return of a busy schedule, and hanging out with my roommates the sting of being away from home would not be so sharp, but He gave me that little piece of familiarity anyway.

I am so like a little child sometimes, my shyness, my soft voice when I need to be yelling so some old person in the hospital can hear me, my fumbling to write a progress note and failing two times, even though I ought to know better, my fears that my lack of study habits are finally catching up with me and I'll be a horrible therapist, my occasional tears about being in a new place. Wanting to bury my head in the sand and deny that I have to grow up someday, that I will have to be professional, make decisions, and take responsibility, my dislike of change-I've seen all of these things in the last week. But somehow I have to believe that God is bigger than all that, that his strength is still made perfect in my weakness. That all that is in me that is false, and petty, and proud, and lacking in confidence, and blind is insignificant, and He loves me in spite of it all, and that tomorrow, when I show up to the hospital He will help me through the day, and that if I cast my cares on Him, even small ones, he will not disdain them so much that he will not carry them.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 02:53:19 GMT

My very brief morning Bible readings have been taking me through the Psalms. Recently I read Psalm 119 in sections. I don't get excited about the law usually, but there were certain portions that really were precious...verses 25-32 show the author sort of pleading with God to strengthen him so that he can follow God's laws. Verse 32 says in the New American Standard Version, "I shall run the way of Your commandments, for You will enlarge my heart." In the NIV it says "I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free." In the midst of all the bad choices and sin and selfishness, this verse serves as a reminder for me that God can enlarge my heart. Instead of praying simply that I'll be good, or meet all of the requirements God has for me...it is more fulfilling to pray that God would enlarge my heart....make me more capable of following Him than I think myself to be, make me more able and willing to love Him than I am right now. Rather than being the donkey, constantly having to be goaded towards what is right, how great it would be to have a heart that is overflowing with a desire to serve, eager to do good to others, anxious to live a life that is holy inwardly and outwardly. So Lord, enlarge my heart.

Summer's entourage

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 02:41:07 GMT

Summer has arrived, and trailing behind it are a hundred simple beauties, and a few beasties too. Our watermelon seeds, like sleepy children, have awakened to stretch green arms into the sun, bearing gifts in little striped packages. We should have a good harvest in September Blackberry season is in full force, and Dad comes back regularly in the mornings with large quantities gathered from roadside bushes. I went blackberry picking once, out at church, and the season's beasties decided to come home with me. Chiggers make friends quickly, and are loathe to leave. They have no idea of allowing for personal space....your personal space is their personal space...and they don't let you forget. One reason why you should live in the Arctic. The other is poison ivy, and ticks also have their own place in summer's hall of infamy.

Church camp is successfully over. I was able to spend one day there before returning to class to muddle my way through Electrophysiology, Independent Studies, Wound Care, and Psychosocial. I am thankful that though busy, this summer has not been as stressful as last summer was. And though school is full-time, I am still able to enjoy family gatherings and spend time interior decorating (I have my own room now that the boys have been kicked out into their bachelor dwelling constructed in the shop in our back yard.) So summer is good, say I who spends the majority of the day in air-conditioned classrooms And so that I don't completely neglect my school responsibilities, I will reflect on summer topics no longer. Adios.....